Monday, May 4, 2009

Washing your hands...

I want to share what Shannon would do if in my shoes.....and would REALLY like some feedback .
These are the words of my sister-inlaw ~
i have gone back and forth all day as to what i should do about this situation. do i respond, do i not respond?
you clearly keep pushing me because you want me to react to your words.
and while spending a good portion of my day wondering exactly what i would be doing if god ever did or ever chooses to put me in your shoes, i have decided that it is best to give you the response you are requesting.
however, i want you to know up front, that after this...
after you read these words of my heart, i am choosing to wash my hands of the matter...
regarding any further correspondence with you.
in that, i am openly understanding that you hate me, and you may or may not have words to say about me. you may wish to let my friends in on what you are feeling and paint me out the way you hope for them to see me. and i am OK with that. but know, you yourself will get no more out of me. this is the end in my eyes, i am closing the door.



now,
how would i deal with all of this...

none of the following words have anything to do with you. i am not saying i think you are or are not doing the right or wrong thing, this is solely what i would be doing as best as i think.


first of all, i would feel the sense that my children are my world. my precious gifts from god, no matter how long he choses to let me be their mommy here on earth. i would be treasuring every second i have with them, no matter how long or how short. i would know that god had put me here for a reason, and trust in what i am not skilled enough to understand. and i would be strong for them no matter how much i felt like i was falling apart inside. others wouldn't matter to me. my focus would be on my children and their needs only. i would feel a sense of thankfulness for every bit of compassion that came our way....
a prayer, a meal, a money blessing, a kind word, a card, or shoulder to cry on. i would not allow my sinful flesh to deem what is worthy enough and what "really matters" because i would realize that everything, every bit of what people would offer me was meant to help lift my burdens.
i would be teaching my children the meaning of love. that god loves them no matter what they are going through on earth, and i would never paint a picture of hatred for little eyes to see towards anyone or anything because of reasons i was allowing my sinful nature to feel.
i would laugh with them as often as i could, and push towards reasons to smile. i would cry when it hurt, and pray when i felt i simply couldn't take anymore more. i would lean on the people who were around me, and grow closer to my husband because we would be feeling and dealing with this together.
i would make and hold onto a million memories....
even if they were hospital ones that seemed too sad to recall.
i would forget and forgive the past because i would realize it just doesn't matter anymore.
and if for some reason god chose to take my baby way. i would look towards his arms for rest and comfort. i would love him and thank him for everything he gave me. i would use my story to bring myself and others closer to him.
and if he chose to let them live...
i would be on my knees every day thanking him for his mercy. i would work harder to be his shining light, and try to see and do things the way my perfect heavenly father does. i would be more forgiving, more giving, more thankful. i would see the world through changed eyes.

that's just what i would do.

now...
i want you to know that my heart is deeply saddened at what it is you have do deal with. i pray for your boys all the time, and i squeeze mine a little tighter because of it.

1 comment:

Darlene said...

Ignorance is bliss

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